We are indeed both working now. In fact, we work so many hours a week we almost never see each other and rarely have time for anything beyond working, sleeping and eating. Which is also why I haven’t been blogging. No time. It’s a pretty miserable existence. It’s also a precarious existence.

Since we’re both classified as independent contractors, we don’t qualify for the minimum wage, overtime, workers comp, health insurance, or unemployment benefits. And we can lose what little we have at the drop of a hat.

Despite this, we are doing better now than we have been in a while. As long as my partner puts in at least 72 hours a week and I work 30-40 on top of the uncompensated work I do around the house and taking care of the dogs, we can usually cover our rent, food, and bills. Unfortunately there’s nothing left over to see a dentist or buy a winter coat, and the only reason our beloved Balou is still hanging in there is that some kind, compassionate people are paying for his meds.

Knowing that we would have to pay our taxes in October, I’ve been taking on more work than I can handle, getting myself into trouble with deadlines and exhaustion from lack of sleep. My partner has also been surviving on as little as 2-3 hours of sleep many nights in order to push his working hours up to top 80. Stress and extreme fatigue triggered a couple of epic fights and my partner almost had an accident due to exhaustion, but in the end we had accumulated an extra $620. Our previous tax bill had been just over $400, and while we made less money in 2011 than in 2010, we knew we’d be paying more in taxes. We thought we needed to make another $200 and we’d be okay.

We were wrong. Very wrong.

Our combined household income for 2011 was $14,100, which puts us well below the federal poverty line (that would be $15,130 for a family of two). Like many people unable to find employment, we’d been selling our skills as freelancers in order to scrape by. And that means we’re considered self-employed and subject to a whopping 15.3% self-employment tax!

2011 was particularly bad for us, not just because of our very low income but because the Obama administration replaced the Making Work Pay credit that helped ALL middle and low income earners with the Payroll Tax Holiday that does absolutely nothing for the almost one in three Americans now toiling as freelancers, independent contractors, and small business owners. What the hell were they thinking? Middle class workers with good salaries and benefits get a break and poor contract workers with no benefits and poverty-level pay get nothing. Thanks a lot, Obama.

As a result, a family so poor we frequently didn’t have enough to eat and went to sleep hungry (on the floor, because no furniture) now owes the IRS over $1,800 (!) in taxes. Where are people who made just $14k during the whole year supposed to get that kind of money?

And sure, we’re part of the 47% (46% really) who don’t pay federal income tax. In fact, we owe negative income taxes. Unfortunately that has absolutely no effect on our self-employment tax liability. We still owe 15.3% of our total income in taxes. That’s more than billionaire Romney paid. But even as our underpaid labor subsidizes the wealth of the middle and upper classes, people like Romney and Ryan have the gall to call us “takers.” Incredible!

Obviously there is something seriously wrong with a tax code that has people below the poverty line paying a higher tax rate than billionaires. Fixing it, however, doesn’t just involve making millionaires and billionaires pay more; it’s even more important to wipe out the tax liabilities of workers who don’t even earn enough to cover their basic living expenses.

But wait, you say, isn’t that what the Earned Income Tax Credit is supposed to do? The EITC can indeed be very helpful–if you have dependent children. If we had even one child, we would be getting a refund instead of a $1,800+ tax bill. But for those of us who have failed in their duty to reproduce (or whose kids are grown), the EITC doesn’t amount to much. Last year, our EITC came to exactly $1. I kid you not. This year, it’s a couple of hundred dollars. Not remotely enough to make a dent in our humongous tax bill (which would top $2k without the EITC).

As with most other benefits (cash assistance/TANF, Medicaid, housing assistance, etc.), poor people without dependent children aren’t viewed as deserving help. That’s because poor adults are considered responsible for their poverty in a way that kids aren’t. Most people believe that poor kids deserve at least some assistance; after all, they didn’t ask to be poor (unlike the adults who were totally signing up for the chance to be impoverished). And since kids suffer when their parents suffer, well, we have no choice but to help the parents too. No kids? You’re on your own. That’s America’s “safety net” in action.

I have been in tears all day. It seems like no matter what we do, no matter how hard we work, we can never get ahead. Every time we’ve saved a little money, something comes along and gobbles it all up.

Honestly, I’m still having trouble wrapping my head around this. How can people living below the poverty line be expected to cough up over $1,800 in taxes? Where is that money supposed to come from?

Haven’t felt so completely demoralized in a long time.

Cocktail servers wanted for One Eyed Jacks Saloon (Sturgis, South Dakota)

One Eyed Jacks is hiring for cocktail servers during the 2012 Sturgis Bike Rally.

It’s an 11 day run from Aug 2nd to Aug 12th.

The average cocktail server should make $100 to $500 a day depending on work ethic.

Please goto oneeyedjackssaloon.com to apply.

To show seriousness about the job and showing up, One Eyed Jacks charges a $10 application fee.

This is a great opportunity in a bad economy. Servers that can bartend stand a chance of bartending during the rally or possibly next season.

I love how they mention this being “a great opportunity in a bad economy.” Translation: We know you’re desperate for a job that pays enough to live on, and we’re going to take full advantage of your desperation.” Also note that they’re not charging the application fee to cover administrative costs for tests, background checks, or the like (not that that would make it okay). Nope, you’ve got to send them $10 via Paypal just to show that you’re “serious” about this job. And to top it all off, this isn’t even a permanent position. We’re talking about an 11-day temp job! Of course a visit to their website reveals that they’re charging the same $10 application fee for any part-time and full-time jobs that may or may not be available.

Imagine if this became a trend. Apply to 30 jobs and you’re out 300 bucks. If you’re already impoverished, you can’t apply at all. And I can only imagine the scams. Got a business that’s not doing so good? You could easily make hundreds, even thousands, of dollars running ads for jobs that don’t exist. Hell, you don’t even need a business, though your scam will be more credible with a company name and website. Scams preying on the unemployed and underemployed already abound on sites like Craigslist, so this would be just one more thing to watch out for.

This job posting, however, does not seem to be a scam. It appears that this employer is really seeking additional staff for an 11-day event in early August, and they see nothing wrong with charging workers for the “privilege” of filling out a job application. And the sad part is that in this economy, they’ll probably receive no shortage of applications.

Note also that the ad is deliberately written to ensure they’ll receive as many applications–and $10 fees–as possible. If your goal was to weed out unsuitable applicants and time-wasters, you’d include a detailed list of qualifications applicants MUST possess in order to be considered for the job. This ad, however, doesn’t mention job qualifications at all. Will One Eyed Jacks consider applicants without waitressing or bartending experience? How about male applicants? Or female applicants who aren’t comfortable strutting around in skimpy shorts and a bra top–or lack the requisite “hot bod” to do so in a way approved of by Dude Nation? I won’t venture a guess as to the first question, but judging from the website’s photo gallery, I’m pretty sure the answer to the other questions is a big fat no.

My partner suggested that maybe they charge an application fee because they have a lot of no-shows when women realize they’ll be working a biker rally instead of a swanky resort casino, but I don’t buy that. The Sturgis Bike Rally is famous and since job seekers must visit the saloon’s website to apply, it would be tough to miss that this is a biker joint. Also, speaking from personal experience, I’d much rather serve drinks to bikers than Wall Street bankers.

On a somewhat related note, we are still jobless and workless and trying to make the June rent, so if you’ve got a little extra to spare, we’d REALLY, REALLY appreciate it if you’d send it our way.

I was wondering why that might be. Are people who make very little money really more likely to spend that money on illegal drugs than people with plenty of discretionary income? That doesn’t seem likely. I admit, the constant stress and fear of not being able to pay your bills can make escape from reality a tempting proposition. Except, of course, that drugs tend to cost money, and it takes a hell of a lot more than a low wage job to finance a drug habit.

Maybe it’s just that employers, like many middle/upper class folks, have a rather low opinion of low income people. Poor people are lazy and have no work ethic. That’s why they’re poor, you see. Plus, they lie, steal, cheat, and they’re probably druggies too!*

It’s also possible, of course, that employers would love to drug test all those professional and managerial types as well, but they’re afraid people with options wouldn’t stand for that kind of privacy invasion. So they focus their ought-to-be-unconstitutional drug screening efforts on people who have few options. My partner and I strongly object to drug testing, but will that keep us from applying for a job that requires it? Sadly, no. Because we desperately need the work.

We live in a society where the level of privacy, autonomy, and dignity accorded to an individual is strongly correlated with power and wealth. When Florida legislators mandated drug testing for state employees but exempted themselves, was it because they couldn’t imagine people like themselves using drugs? Or was it because they believe very strongly that someone of their stature shouldn’t be subjected to indignities such as drug testing? My money is on the latter.

It’s a well-known fact that many high-powered professionals, particularly on Wall Street and in the entertainment industry, enjoy their nose candy, but no one cares as long as they’re able to do their jobs. Indeed, one could argue that Wall Street’s widespread use of cocaine, a drug known to make users overly confident, self-centered and prone to impulsiveness and risk-taking, fueled the reckless conduct that precipitated our ongoing economic crisis. Yet no one is suggesting that Wall Street players be subjected to drug screening. Instead, we’re seeing unprecedented efforts to mandate drug testing for welfare recipients–the victims of the economic collapse engineered by Wall Street.

Still, they’re going to be people who’ll argue that widespread drug testing of lower income employees is simply motivated by concerns about workplace safety and lost productivity, just like drug testing of welfare recipients is supposedly motivated by nothing more than a desire to save tax dollars otherwise spent on illegal drugs. Yeah, right.

Drug testing welfare recipients has actually been shown to cost tax payers more money than it saves, nor has it reduced the number of new applicants. That’s because, not surprisingly at all, illegal drug use is rare among families receiving public assistance. When a welfare recipient does test positive, it’s almost invariably for marijuana, which is not indicative of having a drug habit or, for that matter, having spent money on drugs (friends with weed tend to be very generous when it comes to sharing their herbal refreshments).

But what about workplace safety and diminished productivity concerns? Turns out that the so-called studies in support of employee drug screening are funded by–surprise, surprise–the drug testing industry! The National Academy of Sciences’ Committee on Drug Use in the Workplace conducted a comprehensive review of the independent research on workplace drug use and concluded that “the data … do not provide clear evidence of the deleterious effects of drugs other than alcohol on safety and other job performance indicators.” Moreover, employees who tested positive for drugs were no more likely to be involved in a workplace accident than those who tested negative.

If drug testing has no effect on workplace safety or productivity, why subject workers–and particularly hourly wage slaves–to demeaning drug screening procedures? Because this degrading ritual is designed to humiliate workers and let them know that their employer owns them–on-the-job and off-the-job. Incidentally, employee drug testing is primarily about policing what workers do when they’re not at work. Not only do most illegal drug users limit their drug taking to off-duty hours, but urinalysis, the usual employee drug testing method, may not reveal very recent drug use since it takes a while for drug metabolites to show up in urine. Evening and weekend drug use, on the other hand, can be detected with ease.

But why is it your employer’s business if you prefer to unwind with a joint instead of a beer after a hard day at work? Because, if you lack the socioeconomic background that entitles you to be treated with respect and dignity, everything you do is your employer’s business and you better get used to it. I suspect that workers who must submit to drug testing as a condition of employment (particularly when drug screening procedures require them to remove their clothes and put on an easy-access hospital gown or, worse yet, require that they be watched while collecting the urine sample) will be less inclined to object to other indignities and injustices at work. Demeaned and demoralized, they’re more likely to “know their place” and not make trouble. And that’s the idea.

Conservative asshole Brion McClanahan did a splendid job summing up the position of these employers when he argued that people who fall on hard times without the benefit of a middle or upper class family background should be drug tested every month because:

Food stamp recipients are, after all, wards of the state. They are slaves to the government and should be reminded of that fact. If a recipient is found to have tobacco or drugs in his system, he would be dropped from the program. People on government aid would also lose the privilege of voting. That way they couldn’t vote for greater benefits or easier terms

Now try this instead:

Hourly workers are, after all, wards of their employer. They are slaves to the company and should be reminded of that fact. If a worker is found to have tobacco or drugs in his system, he would be dismissed from the company. The working poor and near-poor would also lose the privilege of voicing grievances and collective bargaining. That way they couldn’t organize for greater benefits or easier terms

Yep, that sounds about right.

* Just to be clear, I strongly disagree that being a user of illegal drugs automatically makes one a bad, irresponsible, weak, immoral, negative-adjective-of-choice person, nor do I believe that all illegal drug users are in need of intervention, treatment, rehabilitation, whatever. Alas, mine is obviously not the mainstream view.

Those days are increasingly behind us.

While big companies have spent the last 2-3 decades offshoring jobs to countries with low labor costs and few worker and environmental protections, businesses of all sizes are in on the latest trend to impoverish American workers and strip them of protections. What am I talking about? The rise of freelance nation.

Companies have figured out that in a labor market where demand for jobs far outstrips their supply, there’s no need to put workers on the payroll when it’s so much cheaper to just hire them as independent contractors. Pay only for the work you need, and then it’s adios, baby.

It’s easy to see why businesses would be enthusiastic about hiring freelancers. Not only are independent contractors about 30% cheaper than full-time staff, but those pesky regulations enacted to protect workers apply only to employees, not freelancers. How convenient is that?

Obviously contract work is a great deal for businesses, but it’s considerably less appealing if you’re a worker. According to the General Accounting Office and the Freelancers Union, one-third of the US work force now consists of independent contractors, freelancers, and temps. And our numbers are growing rapidly.

What this means is that at least one in three American workers:

• Have no safety net when a long-term contract job comes to an end or freelance work dries up, because independent contractors aren’t eligible for unemployment benefits (this, of course, is the situation my partner and I are in right now).
• Will not receive worker’s comp payments when injured on the job.
• May legally be offered work that pays far below the minimum wage (lest you believe this isn’t really a problem because freelancers are highly skilled professionals who surely make substantially more than the minimum wage, I urge you to sneak a peak at freelance marketplace sites such as oDesk where American companies regularly post jobs paying as little as $1-2 an hour. And the saddest part? You’ll see American workers applying for those jobs. Also, not all independent contractors are highly skilled and educated; many low-skill workers are classified as independent contractors specifically so the company doing the hiring is relieved of responsibility to the worker under labor laws).
• Are not entitled to overtime pay, no matter how many hours a week they spend working on an employer’s/client’s project.
• Receive no support from the Department of Labor when employers/clients stiff them on the agreed-upon wages/payment (deadbeat clients are a huge problem for freelancers, and since non-payment of freelancers’ fees is considered a contract dispute rather than a labor dispute, it’s up to the individual freelancer to hire an attorney and sue the deadbeat, which many independent contractors can’t afford to do).
• Must pay slightly over 15% self-employment tax on their earnings, even if their income is below the poverty line and they’re not making enough to cover the basics.
• Are not eligible for employer-based health insurance, dental/vision coverage, retirement plans, child care, sick leave, and paid vacations–everything must be paid for out-of-pocket, which many freelancers can’t afford, so they are forced to go without.
• Will find it much more difficult to finance a car, buy a house, rent an apartment, or refinance a mortgage since lenders/landlords want to see stable, reliable, and verifiable income, something many freelancers lack.
• Have no recourse if discriminated against or subjected to unfair labor practices because employment law statutes cover only individuals defined as employees.

As the percentage of freelancers continues to rise, the laws and regulations designed to protect workers will become increasingly meaningless. Unless, that is, Congress wakes up to the fact that the labor market is changing and the employer/employee relationship is becoming a thing of the past.

First and foremost, we desperately need a safety net for independent contractors who can’t find (enough) work as well as affordable health care (a single payer system would of course solve that problem) and standard worker protections to remove some of the incentives of hiring workers as independent contractors instead of employees.

There was a time when the typical freelancer was a highly skilled professional who, usually at the height of his career (and yes, I’m using male pronouns intentionally because this freelancer was at least twice as likely to be male than female) and armed with a thick Rolodex of industry contacts, made a calculated decision to go solo in order to be his own boss, raise his profile, and maximize his income. It may well be that this freelance professional didn’t need much in the way of worker protections.

These days, however, many people are turning to freelancing not because they want to be their own boss, but because it’s the only work they can find. These workers aren’t high profile professionals in their field and they don’t have impressive client lists to draw on. Often they’re economically dependent on a very small number of clients, which puts them in a poor bargaining position and sets them up for disaster if a couple of those clients jump ship. These freelancers most definitely need worker protections.

What’s going on in this country right now is economic warfare where those who hold all the cards are finding more and more ways to extract maximum wealth from those who don’t. Keeping workers in a state of perpetual fear and uncertainty is part of their strategy. And what better way to accomplish this than to hire workers as independent contractors who enjoy neither the protections nor the safety net of traditional employees. A worker whose very survival is at stake is bound to agree to just about anything, no matter how lousy the terms.

But while this strategy is working out well on the micro level, the consequences for the economy–and the country–as a whole are devastating. Impoverished workers have little money to spend on goods and services, thereby driving down aggregate demand. Even freelancers who make decent money some months are more likely to save their earnings than spend them on non-essentials since they never know if they’ll be making enough money the next month. And when you’re operating without a safety net, you are hyper conscious of the fact that coming up short just once could land you and your loved ones in the street.

The constant uncertainty and fear of going under also take a heavy human toll. Stress disorders, untreated health problems, substance abuse, domestic violence, divorce, repossessions, foreclosures, evictions, homelessness, suicides–we’re going to see more of all the preceding as people struggle to hold on in the post-New Deal America created by our Corporate Masters.

Until the beginning of this year, my partner and I were at least getting by. Our freelance business wasn’t exactly setting the world on fire, but we were able to cover the basics. This year, however, virtually every one of our repeat clients has disappeared. Since two-thirds of our clients are repeat business, this is huge. And replacing them with new clients has proven extremely difficult. Not only are there far fewer projects to go around, but the small businesses we serve have become increasingly price-conscious, frequently expecting freelancers to work for next to nothing. If they hire anyone at all, that is. A substantial percentage of projects is simply canceled.

This is why we’ve been desperate to find full-time employment. Every day we comb the newspapers’ Help Wanted sections and the online job boards, and every day we notice how few jobs are available. So I wasn’t surprised to find the following statistic on the website of one of the large job aggregators:

In our area, there’s been a 49% drop in job postings compared to last year.
Nationwide, there’s been a 32% decline.

Source: Indeed.com (a site that aggregates job postings from newspapers, job sites, associations, and company career pages)

So much for that recovery, huh?

In the real economy, the one that matters to most people, things are not getting better. They’re still getting worse. And neither one of the two major parties is going to do a damn thing about it.

As for us, thanks to the awesome people who’ve donated to this blog and a couple of dear friends who chipped in, we were able to pay the May rent earlier this week. Unfortunately the June rent is due in less than two weeks, and we have no clue what we’re going to do. We’ve already had to get an extension on some of our bills.

There are no unemployment benefits for freelancers who can’t find work and there’s no welfare for ABAWDs (Able-bodied Adults Without Dependents). The fact that we started freelancing because we couldn’t find permanent, full-time work is irrelevant. People like us fall through the cracks of the already tattered safety net, and there are more of us every day.

Finally, I want to give you all an update on Balou. Twice this month, we felt certain we were going to lose him. First, there was the horrible night when he wouldn’t stop bleeding. The blood soaked right through the towels and blankets, forming enormous puddles on the carpet. We didn’t expect him to make it through the night, but the next morning he amazed us by staggering to his feet and wanting his breakfast. Then, the following week, he stopped eating, and we thought that was the end for sure. But 24 hours later, he had regained his appetite.

So Balou is still with us. Since his health deteriorated when I was forced to reduce his supplement dosage, we’re making his supplements and nutrition a priority, even if that means there’s no money for other necessities. I expect that our phone will be turned off any day now.

On top of everything, I continue to deal with my own health problems. Sometimes the pain gets to be really bad, but mostly it’s tolerable. Or maybe it’s just that I’m getting used to it. I try not to dwell on what it could mean, since there’s nothing I can do about it anyway.

Remember the job I was telling you about? Nine days of unpaid training and the need to pass a bunch of proficiency tests, after which we were to start a part-time, no-benefits contract job for $9.50 an hour? Today I received a notice congratulating me on passing the final test. Unfortunately, the notice then went on to inform me that the project has been canceled. Just like that. There will be no jobs for anyone. No reason was given.

I’m still reeling from the news. While it may not sound like much, in our current situation, this job was like a lifeline. True, it was a contract job, but the contract period was to be extended indefinitely, and we’re desperate for any kind of steady income. Also, while the pay was low and the hours limited, there was a clear path to advancement, which would have meant better pay and more hours in the future. Most of all, we have no other source of income right now. None. Which is why I worked my ass off during the training period, even spending precious time away from my critically ill Balou because I really, really needed this job to work out.

The job was scheduled to start today. When I didn’t hear from my supervisor yesterday, I was a bit worried that maybe I hadn’t done as well as I thought on the final test, but it never occurred to me that the whole project had been canceled. That there might not be any work at the end of the training period even after passing all the proficiency tests with flying colors (which, it turns out, I did) was never even mentioned as a possibility.

Why did this happen? Clearly they feel we’re not entitled to an explanation. Or an apology. Just a “thank you for your time and effort.” The complete and utter contempt these corporations have for working people is beyond words. What they did to us is so incredibly wrong and unfair, but clearly they don’t see it that way at all. I guess since we were desperate enough to agree to an unpaid training period, our time and effort have no value and we deserve no respect.

Meanwhile my partner spent hours creating a custom-tailored resume and killer cover letter to apply for a job that turned out to be a fake. Because being unemployed in this economy isn’t tough enough already, some pieces of human excrement post fake Help Wanted ads on sites like Craigslist. In order to sound legit, they’ll ask for a resume and cover letter, sometimes even references or work samples, but their only purpose is to trick job seekers into signing up for some offer or website, so the scammers can earn affiliate income. So, after you’ve gone to the trouble of applying for the job, they’ll send you an email expressing great interest in hiring you, but first, they’ll say, you need to click on a link that will take you to a site where you can get a copy of your credit report to “verify your identity” or some other BS. These people are scum.

It is so incredibly difficult not to give up when, no matter what you do and how hard you work, you’re hit with one setback after another and nothing ever works out. What exactly are people supposed to do when they can’t find work and aren’t eligible for government assistance? Evaporate into thin air? Are we just supposed to cease to exist because the economy has no use for us?

To be honest, when I got so sick last month that I thought I might die, once I got over being scared, it was almost a relief. Not because I want to die. I don’t. But because dying would put an end to all the pain and misery and worry and stress and fear and the constant struggle just to survive another month.

Obviously I’m still here, but that doesn’t mean I’m all better. I try to ignore the pain as best I can. I can’t afford to be sick and I certainly can’t afford time off to take care of myself.

While I have no freelance work at this time, I have been able to find a job. Not a good job, mind you. No, it’s another contract job. No benefits. Part-time. I’ll be lucky to pick up twenty hours a week and I’ll make less than $10 per hour. Before taxes. Speaking of which, we were able to get an extension on filing our tax returns. We don’t have a penny to spare right now, let alone the hundreds of dollars we owe the IRS in self-employment tax.

Now, it’s true that the 15.3% we owe is really just FICA (payroll) tax for the self-employed, but that doesn’t change the fact that:

• These taxes are horribly regressive.
• Tax credits/deductions for working poor people are woefully inadequate; that’s especially true for working poor people without (human) dependents.
• We don’t make enough money to cover our rent, food, and bills, so there’s certainly nothing left over for taxes.

Anyway, back to my new job. I’ll be doing work for one of the largest and most profitable corporations in the US, but rather than hire me directly (perhaps with a decent salary and benefits), they have put a third party in charge of hiring independent contractors. This, of course, is part of a larger trend. Why deal with employees who expect benefits, bathroom and lunch breaks, sick leave, etc., when you can hire the same people as independent contractors and pay them only for the time they actually spend working?

I’m about to complete my nine days of unpaid training. Yes, you read that right. Unpaid. During these nine days, we’ve had to pass a battery of tests, and everyone in the small group of people who made the initial cut is incredibly nervous about messing up and losing out on this “opportunity.” The words “I really need this job” were uttered a lot this week. These are all bright, articulate, college-educated people and they’re desperate for a part-time job that pays $9.50 an hour and offers no benefits. No wonder the Powers That Be aren’t motivated to do anything about the unemployment/underemployment situation. This is working out great for them!

My beloved Balou is very, very sick. We didn’t expect him to make it through the night, but he’s still here. I don’t know how much longer. I hope he’s not in too much pain. I can’t allow myself to think about what’s happening to him or I’ll break down and start sobbing uncontrollably. Other than stay with him as much as possible, I’m afraid there is nothing I can do to help him now. And I have one more test to pass. Gotta stay focused. Somehow.

This is why the phrase “shared sacrifice” makes me want to punch someone. There’s nothing “shared” about “sacrifice” in this country (or most countries, I suspect). If you’re rich, you never have to sacrifice. If you’re poor, all you do is sacrifice.

I hate that I had to spend what was probably the last week of my beloved boy’s life training for a low-wage job I may only be able to work for a few weeks. Because, at this point, we won’t be able to pay our rent and will be evicted. And no home means no job, at least in this case.

So why even bother? Because, what else am I going to do? Give up? If (enough) money does come in from somewhere, this job, inadequate as it is, at least gives us something to build on. Unfortunately not too many people read this blog anymore (can’t say I blame them, given the lack of regular posts) and I realize most of you are also hurting financially in this economy.

If you’re a blogger with a more sizable audience (or, for that matter, if you’re friends with such a blogger), I’d really appreciate it if you/they would mention our situation. Whatever you feel you can do to help.

I’m also scared. I keep thinking of my partner, our dogs, and myself in a car speeding toward a cliff. Unless something changes, we’re going to go over that cliff. And I don’t know what I can do to slow down the damn car, let alone put it in reverse.

Things were bad before I got sick and now they appear utterly hopeless. My partner continues to look for work but the job situation around here is pretty bleak. Either he isn’t qualified, or the job is only part-time and/or the pay is so low it would barely cover our rent, leaving nothing for our bills and food. On top of that, most of these jobs aren’t local. They’ll require spending two hours a day commuting, and he would be working over an hour a day just to cover the transportation costs. That’s a lot of commuting for a job that’s only part-time. But he keeps applying, hoping that something will work out.

My partner has a college degree but he can’t find a job that pays a living wage. Unfortunately that’s not unusual these days. I wasn’t surprised to learn that in 2010, over 43% of low-wage workers had attended or graduated college. Oh, and that other myth conservatives never tire of flogging, the one where most minimum wage workers are unskilled teenagers just trying to make a few “extra” bucks and gain much-needed work experience? Not surprisingly, that’s more BS. In 2010, just 12% of low-wage workers were under age 20 (down from 26% in 1979). And I’m sure a substantial number of those teenagers aren’t middle class kids living at home or attending college on their parents’ dime but young people working real hard to support themselves (like I was at that age).

Unfortunately even low-wage work is hard to come by in this economy. And many employers don’t like to hire people with degrees (and corresponding employment histories) for low-wage work because they assume–usually correctly–that since no one invests four years and vast sums of cash hoping they’ll get to stock grocery store shelves, workers with degrees will quit as soon as they find something better. My partner has applied for numerous low-wage jobs and never even gets called in for an interview.

Yesterday he went down to the employment office in the faint hope that they might have job listings that don’t appear in the newspaper or online or that they might be able to provide assistance with job training and placement. Unfortunately the only job openings were for registered nurses and mechanics and a couple of other things he’s not qualified to do. He then described our situation and asked about job training/placement assistance. They said if he was eligible for cash aid, they could offer him “employment counseling.” Asked what that entails, they explained that participants learn to prepare a resume and improve their job interview skills.

Yes, because he totally needs help with that. Not. He’s got several versions of his resume (tailored to different positions) ready to go, and he generally interviews well. That has never been a problem. The problem is that there’s a shortage of jobs. And there’s a MAJOR shortage of jobs that pay enough to actually live on.

Of course he isn’t eligible for cash aid anyway because he doesn’t have kids. All he could get is food assistance (CalFresh); however, applying for food stamps is a bad idea if you’re an unemployed ABAWD (Able-bodied Adult Without Dependents). Due to the “workfare” requirement (thanks President Clinton!), you get to spend twenty hours a week picking up trash or doing other menial labor that takes time and energy away from searching for a job that pays enough to live on.

So this is where we’re at. There’s no way we can pay the May rent, but we’re going to run out of money even before then. Neither one of us has family that can help. One of the big and often unacknowledged advantages of coming from a middle class background is that if you fall, there’s someone to pick you up. Whether it’s providing financial assistance or using family connections to get you a job, if life deals you a rotten hand, you at least know you won’t end up in the street.

We don’t have that. I’ve been on my own since I was 16, and I haven’t even told my mom I’m sick. She has a bad heart and just got out of the intensive care unit last week. The last thing she needs to hear about is my illness. And she wouldn’t be able to help anyway as she barely makes enough money to get by herself. My partner was abandoned as a baby, first by his dad and then by his mom. The grandmother who raised him now has Alzheimer’s.

When I asked for financial assistance on this blog back in January, you guys came through for us, but how can I keep asking for help when there’s no end in sight? If you help us out this time, I can’t guarantee that we won’t be in the same mess again next month. In fact, unless we finally catch a break and my partner lands a job that pays a living wage, we *will* be in the same position again next month. Our freelancing business is practically dead. We have nothing coming in at all at this time.

I truly don’t know what we’re going to do.

Accessing medical care isn’t the only concern, though. How are you going to survive while you’re too sick to work? This is especially terrifying for the ever-increasing number of people keeping their heads above the water with freelance and contract work. If we can’t work, we don’t eat.

If you’re among the working poor who don’t qualify for Medicaid and you become seriously ill, you’re pretty much screwed. There is not much you can do. Which is why you tend to push these thoughts out of your head as fast as you can. Not much point in worrying about something you can’t change. Especially when just making enough money to scrape by consumes all your time and energy.

So, when I started experiencing some disturbing symptoms a couple of years ago, I did what most people without access to health care do: Hope it’s nothing serious. After all, it wasn’t like I was sick all the time. The symptoms came and went. And anyway, I had more immediate concerns. Like trying to keep a roof over our heads.

Unfortunately, the symptoms gradually got worse. About four weeks ago, they got so bad I would have gone to the emergency room if I thought there was any point. I was so sick and in so much pain we actually thought I might die.

The symptoms point primarily in one direction and it’s not good. Of course we can’t be sure without an official diagnosis, but I remember what happened when a friend went to the local ER with heart problems. After determining that he wasn’t having a heart attack right then and there, they told him that they’d have to run a bunch of tests to figure out why he kept having these debilitating heart pains, but they weren’t going to do that unless he had insurance or could pay upfront. So much for getting a professional diagnosis. And really, not much point in knowing exactly what’s wrong with you if you can’t get treatment.

So, when I came across this piece by former Michigan Governor Jennifer Granholm, I could certainly relate. Granholm tells the story of Carmelita, a woman who works two low-paying jobs, neither of which includes medical benefits. She barely gets by on the little money she makes and certainly can’t afford to buy an individual health insurance policy. Last year, Carmelita was forced to visit the emergency room with a case of walking pneumonia, and now she’s stuck paying off a $3,000 bill. It’s by no means an unusual story.

And then I read the first twenty comments. Oh my. Several comments, starting with the first one, accuse Granholm of making up the story because “Carmelita is already eligible for Medicaid and the ACA DOES NOTHING FOR HER.” Bullshit! In California and everywhere else I’ve ever lived, non-disabled low income adults are not eligible for Medicaid unless they have dependent children living with them. That’s because society doesn’t blame poor children for their plight (well, with obvious exceptions on the political, or should I say sociopathic, right), but does blame poor adults. Poor parents are covered not because they have inherent value as human beings who don’t deserve to suffer needlessly, especially in a country as wealthy as this one, but because a sick (or dead) parent would have negative repercussions for the innocent child who, after all, didn’t ask to be born to a poor person. That’s why low income parents get health care and low income non-parents don’t.

And yes, for all its considerable flaws, the Affordable Care Act (ACA) does change that by extending Medicaid to ALL individuals with incomes at or below 133% of the Federal Poverty Level. Unfortunately those changes don’t go into effect until 2014, and with the constant gutting of Medicaid funding, who knows what Medicaid coverage will be worth in 2014? It already leaves a lot to be desired (though it sure as hell beats no coverage at all). Of course the 133% cutoff is ridiculously low, especially for people in areas with a high cost of living. As a result, many working poor people in California will not qualify for Medicaid. They will somehow have to find the money to buy subsidized junk policies they may not be able to use due to unaffordable deductibles and co-pays. That’s why I’m not a fan of the ACA, although the Medicaid expansion would certainly be helpful in our case.

Anyway, back to the comments. An “independent” calling himself Dr_Al wants to know more about how Carmelita spends her grand income:

“So if you’re going to point to this woman as some sort of example then why not tell the full story? Tell us all about what she pays for, clearly she has a job if she’s cutting your hair. Does she have a cell phone, an apartment with cable TV? Does she own a car? Does she eat out? Seams to me she has decided that it’s too expensive and she’s unwilling to give up other things she wants more. Because of that she now has to pay the price of an emergency room visit.”

Don’t you just love it? Aside from the reading comprehension fail (Granholm told us that Carmelita now has two jobs—she cuts hair at a beauty salon and she works at a sports store—but last year, when she got sick, she had only the retail job and made a total of 11k), the assumptions this commenter makes are fascinating. First of, no, many low income workers don’t have the things this idiot thinks everyone enjoys. We never eat out. We don’t have cable. We don’t even have a TV. Or furniture, for that matter. Our computers are hand-me-downs from friends. You get the picture.

But even if someone has cable TV or eats out occasionally, so what? Does this moron have any idea how much an individual health insurance policy costs, especially one with a deductible low enough so you can afford to actually, you know, access health care? Nope, I’m afraid eliminating that $40 cable bill and $20 restaurant tab won’t be quite enough to cover your monthly premium. Not to mention the deductibles and co-pays. As for transportation and phone-related expenditures, those tend to be necessary to get and keep a job. But let’s face it, people like this commenter are so invested in their delusion that the uninsured CHOOSE to go without health insurance that spending your meager income on anything other than insurance premiums will be interpreted as “freedom of choice.” Hey, Carmelita could afford health insurance if it wasn’t for those “other things she wants more.” Like, you know, a roof over her head and food on her table.

Next up, we have “dlegr250″ who does a great job explaining why most Republicans vote the way they do:

“So who will be paying for said lady’s insurance since she can’t afford it? The answer is “I” will. “I” being the Americans who work just as hard if not much harder than this hair cutter. The Americans who sacrificed to pay for the educations and provide for their children. The Americans who took risk and lived within their means. So the solution to the healthcare system? Take my money, give it to her so she can afford healthcare. Well I really don’t care for that, to be honest. I’m tired of my money being stolen and given to someone else who didn’t earn it.”

Ah, yes. The evil government is “stealing” money from hardworking producers and giving it to those lazy people who didn’t earn it. Never mind that “this hair cutter” works two jobs and is on her feet all day long. Clearly she isn’t really working hard. How do we know this? Simple. She isn’t rich and successful! People like this commenter like to delude themselves that we live in a just world. If you’re doing well, it’s because you deserve it. You were smart, took calculated risks, worked hard, lived within your means, and sacrificed when necessary. Unlike “those people.” You know the ones. Lazy, undisciplined, unable to postpone gratification.

If you’re not doing well financially, you have only yourself to blame. Because, you see, in our “land of opportunity” you get what you deserve. People like this commenter cling to that fairy tale with such tenacity they are unable to see the reality that’s all around them. They don’t see the millions of workers barely making ends meet no matter how hard they work. They don’t see the systemic injustices, the widespread economic exploitation, and the humongous holes in the so-called safety net. Because, to see that would mean they’d have to admit that while they may well have worked very hard and lived within their means, the exact same thing is true for many low income people. Being wealthier doesn’t make you a better person. Just a luckier one. Oh, and please, if you’re comfortably middle class, don’t be lecturing a poor person about sacrifice. You sound like a fool.

Speaking of fools, the commenter doesn’t want to live in a “society that allows people to die because they can’t afford a procedure,” but he sure as hell doesn’t want his taxes paying for other people’s health care (funny how people like that don’t seem to care nearly as much about the far greater sums of money spent on corporate welfare, not to mention the endless wars fought for purposes of corporate enrichment). And he’s got the solution we’ve been waiting for!

The solution is not forcibly taking from one and giving to another. The solution is people using their own two hands and feet and earning their way so they can afford healthcare. If the hair cutter can’t afford insurance, get a better job. Take some night classes and advance. You do not have the right to live doing whatever you want and then expect me to pick up your bills.

Get a better job! Why didn’t I think of that!? Let’s ignore for a moment the extreme difficulty of finding the time, money, and energy to go to night school when you’re forced to work two jobs just to make ends meet. Let’s also ignore the fact that we’ve already got millions of people working jobs far below their education level because those are the only jobs available (nor is this likely to change any time soon; according to the Bureau of Labor Statistics, only 4 of the 30 occupations with the largest projected employment growth over the next decade require a bachelor’s degree or higher, while 23 require a high school diploma or less).

But okay, let’s assume for the sake of argument that Carmelita is able and willing to take on considerable debt to go to night school and that she can somehow find the time to attend classes. Let’s further assume that after graduation, she gets really lucky and lands a job that pays a living wage and offers medical benefits. Yea, Carmelita! She quits her jobs at the beauty salon and the sports store, leaving her now-former employers to hire someone new to fill those positions–and now those new workers will have no access to health care.

That’s why proposing individual solutions to systemic problems is either foolish or disingenuous. Someone is going to have to work retail, wait tables, clean hotel rooms, cut hair, provide daily living assistance to the elderly and sick, etc., etc. And the people doing those jobs deserve, at a minimum, to earn a living wage and see a doctor when they’re sick. That’s asking for so little in a country so rich. And yet this simple request is not only controversial but provokes outrage and hatred.

Finally, I want to address the commenters who call Granholm a liar or Carmelita an idiot because she went to the emergency room when there are, they claim, countless free clinics and health centers where people can access medical, dental, mental health and substance abuse treatment regardless of ability to pay. It’s always lovely when people who’ve never had to rely on free community resources tell those of us living in poverty about all the amazing freebies available to us.

Allow me to tell you about my recent experience trying to access free medical care. Researching online, I located exactly one clinic within 30 miles of my home that supposedly provides free health care, including referrals to specialists, for low income patients. I was briefly hopeful, but those hopes were quickly dashed when I called the clinic. Turns out they see low income patients only if they’re already on the Medi-Cal rolls. And like I said, no kids, no Medi-Cal.

Okay, so I expanded my search to the 50-80 mile range. I thought I’d figure out how to get to the clinic once I found one willing to treat me. I’ll make this short. In most cases, “free health care for low income patients” simply means “we see Medi-Cal patients.” I found only one clinic that offers free basic health care to low income patients not eligible for Medicaid, but the services they provide are extremely basic. They are not equipped for the tests and procedures I might need. A few other clinics claimed to provide “low cost” care for those in need, but let’s just say that their idea of “low cost” and mine are very far apart.

Now, it’s possible that the free clinic situation is better in urban areas. I honestly don’t know. I was fortunate never to be seriously ill during all the years I lived in major cities. But for people in rural areas (many of whom moved out here to escape the outrageously high housing costs in the cities), there’s nothing.

So I’m going to have to try and deal with this myself. I located a woman who healed herself with a nutrition-based program and started following her recommendations, beginning with a ten-day raw vegetable juice and oil fast/cleanse. That was easy because I was too sick to eat anyway. Even drinking was initially difficult. But after about a week, I started slowly getting better. Am now eating a 100% raw vegan diet and taking a number of herbs and nutraceuticals, and while it’s far too early to tell if this is going to work, we’re at least somewhat hopeful.

The other thing I’m supposed to do is reduce my stress level. That’s the truly hard part. I’m under a truckload of stress; living in constant fear of not having enough money to pay your rent and bills will do that to you. Indeed, I wouldn’t be surprised if the extreme stress I’m under is responsible for making me sick in the first place.

And of course my illness has made our financial situation even worse. Paying for a fresh foods diet and supplements for me and Balou (yes, our boy is still with us and continues to be happy and active) has been very difficult. We missed three weeks of work due to my illness and are nearly broke. There’s one client who owes us some money (check supposedly got lost in the mail), but we’re not sure when it will get here.

So I gotta ask for help. I hate having to do this again, but I don’t know how we’re going to get through this month without help from somewhere. My partner has been looking for a job because there currently isn’t enough freelance work for both of us, but he hasn’t had any luck yet. Given that unemployment around here is far higher than the national average, this could take a while.

If you have a little extra to spare, your donation would be extremely welcome. Also, and I realize this is a long shot, if anyone has a high-speed blender (e.g., Vitamix, BlendTec, Omega, L’Equip RPM, or other 1HP+ blender) they’re no longer using and would be willing to donate, I’d be forever grateful. A high-speed blender is a “must” for many recommended recipes in my nutrition plan, but these things are so expensive, I couldn’t justify the cost in our current situation even if we had the money. However, if someone has one that’s just collecting dust, I’ll gladly take it off your hands.

Other kitchen appliances I could really use but can’t afford include a Champion or GreenStar juicer (or other masticating/non-centrifugal juicer) and a food dehydrator with adjustable thermostat/temperature control (e.g., Excalibur, L’Equip, Good4U). Not really expecting anyone to let go of one of these babies, but thought I’d put it out there, just in case.

Anyway, whatever you can do to help, we’d really appreciate it.

As a result of your help, we will be able to pay our rent and utilities in February! I have also been able to buy more of my meds, which is a good thing because I’ve been battling severe depression (probably not entirely the result of my messed up brain chemistry). And, very importantly, we’ll be able to take care of our beloved Balou.

We’re treating him with nutrition, herbs, and other supplements rather than “conventional” cancer therapy. Even if we could afford surgery and chemo, which we can’t, I’d have difficulty subjecting him to painful, debilitating treatments at his age. We can’t be sure exactly how old our wonderful boy is given that he was a fully-grown adult when we adopted him, but he has to be at least 13 and could be 14 or 15. In other words, he’s already quite old for a dog of his size and breed. Our goal is to keep him happy and comfortable as long as we can. He was fading badly in December but has regained some of his strength thanks to the treatment your donations help make possible.

We now have almost a month to get back on our feet financially, and I’ll be spending every waking moment not occupied with the canine pack trying to do just that. Which unfortunately means this blog will likely be neglected a while longer. I will, however, keep you all posted on our situation. We’re currently still without work, but hopefully that will change soon!